I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
