I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
