I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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