Where did you get a picture of my penis
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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