apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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