You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
