everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I FOUND THE LEGS
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize