woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
