Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
