3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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