Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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