Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
And my parents said I crawled through the house
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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