To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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