I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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