based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
