Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
