her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize