found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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