but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize