You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
