Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
