The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
