They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
