Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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