Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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