Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize