Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
