remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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