Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
