I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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