don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize