Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
