Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
