He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
