best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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