i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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