guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He felt like a one man threesome
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Randomize
