So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
