I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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