My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
third nipple confirmed
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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