And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
