That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
