i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
