Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
