I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
