You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
