the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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