I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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