He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
