walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
