I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
