i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize