When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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