I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We're too hungover to prance.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
