Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
