I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
