Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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