If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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