I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
