I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
