the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Randomize