A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
