He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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