Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
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