Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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