No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
