If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
