Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
