saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
