He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize